Monday, March 30, 2009

To have or not to have

a personal trainer.

I’ve hummed and hawed about this topic previously – if a personal trainer is a good idea or just a waste of money. Back then though my motives for thinking about this was slightly untainted; back then it was all about if a personal trainer could help with motivation, get me fitter and faster quickly and whether or not I really wanted someone to annoy me by telling me what to do. After my experience in the gymnasium today during my lunch hour I am now again wondering if I should indeed get myself a personal trainer but this time for somewhat different reasons.

Let’s also cast our memories back to how much I’m against flirtation in the gym. I believe it’s wrong, the gym is not a place to grow acquaintances, friendships, finding a lady or man friend for any purpose and I personally hate men trying to chat me up while I’m running or whatever it is what I’m doing at the time. But hey, there’s men and then there’s this man.

This man, a man with perfect arms, an ass to die for, three day stubble, brown almost black eyes, of reasonable height and who I would bet several hundred on not running like a girl could be mine for half an hour once a week for a small sum of money. A personal trainer.

But this is where it gets complicated and the flirtation thing starts getting in the way of the objective. Firstly, I obviously would have to be in mega shape before hand. Then there would be the attire. No more three sizes too large t-shirts left over from the time of x, no more hair in any shape as long as it’s not in my face, no more who cares if the mascara is under my eyes – I’m here to exercise and I came straight from work. Instead there would have to be perfection. Something I’m not even good at when I don’t have my ex boyfriend’s t-shirt stuck to my body, pearls of sweet running down my face and red cheeks. Which I believe I have the right to be/have (tis in the constitution even) when I’m at the gym.

A girl my age needs her crushes, but as far as training goes I think I will continue without this perfect personal trainer and save my money for some other crush (like a pair of shoes! so much more fun and longer lasting that boys anyway!) But at least he might prove a temporary incentive to go to the gym even more often.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Me & Jesus under the Full Moon

What is it with me and churches? Why is it that I don’t have a normal relationship with these buildings of worship? Instead I end up sleeping in them when I’m drunk and missed the last tube, or being threatened with the rage of angels if I don’t come and pray (I was busy snogging one of the elder’s son I’ll have you know!). And today.

So, I spent this evening in church. An amazing church at that. Gothic with arches and very old, and no less than three crucified Jesus crosses and one Mary and baby. I’ve always loved churches because they’re so beautiful, but I still believe that I don’t need a church to be close to ‘God’ or whatever we want to call it/him/her. Which is why I went to church this evening. I went to dance to find something inside me.

I know that this is going to make me sound even more hippie than ginseng and meditation and half of my friends will probably remove me from their list now. This is something I would expect Cinna to do, not me. But see, I’m learning. I’m becoming aware and enlightened, and I believe.

5 Rhythms Full Moon Dance is what I did this evening. I’ve wanted to go for a considerable time, but not until tonight did I manage to get someone to come with me (and I was too chicken to go on my own). The moon is in Virgo and this means it’s a healing moon – just so you know. The 5 rhythms are flowing, staccato, chaos, lyrical and stillness, and to these you… move, dance, jump, whatever. It’s like a rave without the drunkenness and E (not that I’ve ever been to a rave or taken E for that matter but I have been known to frequent certain rock clubs in my days and, while drowning myself in the tipple of the evening, jump up and down to the likes of Metallica, Smashing Pumpkins and all their friends) with Jesus watching you. During the chaos it was like the entire room was talking to him/her/it and in tongues, just vocalising by not actually using real words. You had to be there.

But this is all really about going back to basics. The shamans and tribes all over the world use dance as a way to communicate with spirits. Meditation has been around since the dinosaurs. And we are all a piece of this Universe. We are all a piece of each other, Energy. It’s all about what you have in you, be it god, spirit, soul or whatever. You can’t find the essential essence in other people, or in stuff. You have it inside you.

And now I ramble because there’s so much I actually want to say but I also want to take a shower and go to bed and not go to work tomorrow so I’ll stop here before it becomes completely disjointed.

I found my first Moon Dance amazing, calming, meditative, a great workout and I’m so going back next full moon!