Another crap day, and no sleep. I'd like to say maggotcocks at this point but with all the flack I'm getting for being who I am I'd better stop swearing too. Which reminds me of a workshop where someone commented that on page 5 or 6 of my first chapter my protagonist says "fuck" and the comment was that they would have like to know a bit earlier that "it was going to be that kind of novel". I was that kind of novel but now I'm having to rewrite myself.
So no maggots of any sort anymore. But it was thinking about that very word and cockpossum that made me realize that I'm just not going to do this. Finish the novel that is. I thought it be awesome, Eliza walking into Abby's in the first chapter and saying that, that'd be just like her. But then I thought, if Eliza walks into Abby's in the first chapter I need to rewrite the second chapter (where she first appears) and realized I just can't be bothered. There's so much work to finish this piece of crap.
I can't do it working full-time (= 12 hour days). I can't take a month off next summer, and it can't wait that long anyway.
Ergo, stop wasting energy on something that's so unlikely to ever get finished, and just "enjoy" life. I have 37 bars on my must-go-to bar list; surely that's a way better way (bad writing, see...) to spend my life? I've turned down a few dates to write (or I used writing as an excuse not to go on dates with people I don't want to go on said dates with. But as I proved earlier this year, I did them a favor as I only go on dates if I first have two profs plying with me with wine so I can show up an hour late, drunk and talk about another guy for the rest of the evening. I actually went on a second date with that guy, to which I showed up really tired, declared that we were not on a date, just having drinks, proceeded to get drunk, talked about another guy and got walked to the subway at 9:30pm. I'm such a bad date! Like the worst date ever.)
So, I'm shelving the novel (and dating). I admit defeat. Who needs to finally achieve the one thing they always wanted to achieve anyway?